ED Awareness!

Hello and welcome to my brand new blog!

I decided to redesign my blog around my recent recovery journey.  After opening up about my experience, I learned that I am not alone in this struggle, and I want others to realize the same thing.  I allowed myself to be very vulnerable as I honestly shared my struggles and victories.  I no longer hide my feelings to appeal to others, I no longer pretend to be healthy, and I no longer am ashamed of my story.  It took me a long time to be at least OKAY with my reality, and the truth is, some days I still am not.  However, the main thing I hope to emphasize from my personal experience is AWARENESS.  I want other warriors to be aware that they are beyond brave and strong.  I want members of support systems to be aware of their impact. I want to make the world aware of the severity, secrecy, sadness, and shame associated with eating disorders.  And I really want the stigma to stop!

Eating disorders of all types (anorexia, bulimia, binge eating, EDNOS, over exercising, and others) are all established around the same thing: control.  Whether it be a lack of control, too much control, or obsessing for some control, people turn to food, body image, and other symptoms to feel a sense of it (although in reality control is really never achieved).  There is no vanity in eating disorders and there is no choice in eating disorders.  Dieting is a choice, working out is a choice, eating dessert is a choice; but obsessing and dying is not! I want all my fellow survivors and warriors to know that there is no reason to blame yourself for a chemical change in your brain.  You are not doing this on purpose, but you do have the power to purposefully choose recovery.  You are also a member of a community that is unfortunately vested in shame and hidden in the shadows.  However, during my latest recovery, I learned that I do not need to be ashamed of my story, and neither do you.  Whether others can or cannot understand, all that matters is if you understand! 

As for those out there functioning as supports for loved ones with eating disorders, I am sending you a huge thank you.  As hard as it may be, I want you all to know that you can not change or fix us, we have to choose it on out own.  Thanks to the eating disorder, trying to fix just creates more conflict.  We already feel like we are a pain to you, we hate that you fear for our lives, we resent that you get mad at our disordered thoughts, and we regret that we cant just stop on our own.  It hurts us to see you hurt!  The only advice I can give is to just listen. Listen to all the madness in our heads because the more that gets released, the less is left circulating in our brains.  Know that you are not the enemy, its the eating disorder that snaps back and resists.  Know that seeking outside professional help is usually the best choice.  Know that you are not the only one in your shoes, and please know that you can make the difference between life and death for your loved ones.  My supports saved my life!

I want others to be aware of the stigma.  Not all who have eating disorders are skinny.  This stereotype actually does more harm than good for us.  No two warriors or suffers are the same,  I am only using "us" and "we" as I cover the surface of ED's.  Recovery is in no way similar or linear; relapse is common and does not mean failure.  Its not as simple as "just eat" or "just stop", so please don't say that. All I really ask is for you to find it in your hearts to respect us warriors.  Although our walk is different, we too are human beings. 

#eatingdisorder #recovery